10 ways your parents transmitted trauma.
There are some obvious ways your parents behaviour affected your adult relationships. Some of these are not bad examples, but children can sometimes internalise the example from their parents and believe they need to follow in their parents' footsteps
1. Divorce and parental alienation
It is every child's dream to grow up in a 2 parent home. When parents divorce, this leads to unpredictability and uncertainty for a child.
If your primary parent also had to take measures to alienate the other parent, this might have worsened your sense of abandonment.
If abandonment trauma is affecting your relationships, another area to focus on is to reparent the inner child for parental divorce
2. Being placed between warring parents
If you're struggling with communication, boundaries and emotional regulation in your relationships and you were exposed to warring parents, consider healing work.
When parents divorce, sometimes children end up forced to choose sides as they are used as pawns by immature parents.
Reparent the emotional turmoil and improve boundaries. Learn tools for emotional regulation and improve communication skills.
3. Verbally abusive parents
If you find yourself with verbally abusive partner's after being raised by verbally abusive parents, you have attracted the familiar.
You might also be verbally abusive yourself or you might become the victim of a verbally abusive partner.
Develop compassion for yourself as you reparent your inner child. Learn the objective of triggers to make best-interest decisions. Practice a self care habit to quiet the mind, to detach and slow down. Reframe your thoughts and choose your actions and words.
4. Physical abuse
If you're a parent who hits kids, your partner or you are in a relationship with someone who is physically abusive assess whether you were raised by physically abusive parents. Again we recreate patterns unless we address their origins.
Get support to learn emotional intelligence.
Join 12-step programmes to help with your anger and lack of restraint.
Objective evaluation tool for triggers to manage anger
Replacement exercises to channel that anger towards useful activities
5. Single parents
If you are afraid of getting into relationships or fear rejection and you were raised by a single parent, consider that you might have developed your beliefs from how you were raised.
Although some single parents can bring up children who get into healthy relationships, for other adult children of single parents, they might have adopted their parents' independent streak and sense of freedom.
Assess your childhood and self-parent reasons you might fear relationships.
6. Absent parent
If your relationships are sabotaged by abandonment trauma, another place to assess for healing is an absent parent.
You either try too hard to avoid the abandonment you experienced that you ruin your relationships or you ruin your relationships because you do not feel worthy of love due to the loss of a parent.
7. Permissive, authoritarian and neglectful parents
If you have entitlement in a relationship where things need to be done your way, consider the type of parents who raised you.
Permissive and neglectful parents might allow you to do what you want. If you were raised by authoritarian parents you might feel entitled to what you did not have.
Heal the inner child and learn the dichotomy of control.
8. Parents with addictions
If you are in a relationship with a partner with addictions or you have codependency, you might have been raised by parents with addictions. Parents with addictions are self-absorbed and leave children to care for themselves mostly. Or the child might end up being a parent to the parent or sibling.
The child might grow up to be hyper-independent and not allow a partner to step into their role.
Learn to ask for and accept help
Allow a partner to do something for you every so often.
9. Not teaching you about money and health
Your difficult relationship with money and how you look after yourself is a result of the lessons or examples from early life.
You might be a grown-up struggling with how to manage money or your health then this might have been a result of a lack of education, guidance or a healthy example.
Your health and financial well-being are essential in adulthood. It is important to start learning Self-love to improve self-worth. Adopt an abundance mindset and use affirmations for worthiness.
10. Learned helplessness
If you allow a partner to make decisions for you or you continue to stay in abusive situations where you are a victim, you might have learned helplessness.
If you grew up in abusive situations or situations of neglect, you might have internalised learned helplessness.
Assess your life situations to make best-interest decisions
Get support to learn self-leadership
Apply objective evaluation in your life
There are many other ways you might have been impacted by your upbringing. Look into any situations that are not in your best interest. Be your parent and take steps to change your life for the better. Heal the inner child to connect with yourself.
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