10 Reasons you miss someone who wasn't good for you
If you find it challenging to move on from an unhealthy relationship or let go of an ex or someone who isn't interested in you, this steps from attachment wounds or trauma bonds.
To break down these attachment wounds, here are 10 symptoms to help you understand the unmet needs keeping you stuck in this situation.
1. You are trying to prove your worth or that you're loveable
When someone isn't good for you. You might focus on their potential and try to prove you can change them with the power of love. You try by all means to prove you are worthy of love by doing your best to be patient and wait for them to change for you.
You are loveable as you are. Look for a partner who reciprocated.
2. You cannot make peace with rejection
Ignoring red flags is rooted in fear of abandonment or rejection. To avoid abandonment and rejection, you might stay in an unhealthy relationship or try to get your ex back.
Additionally, fear of rejection is accompanied by trying to prove your worth.
3. You miss the routines
When you are in a relationship you have routines and some level of companionship even though the dynamic might be unhealthy. There might also be the fear of loss of physical intimacy that prompts you to stay or want to be with this person.
You can get a massage, learn self-hugging and hug family and friends.
Take some time off sexual activities.
4. You are lonely
When you fear loneliness, you might go to any lengths to be in a relationship or try to be in one.
Loneliness is rooted in a lack of self-connection. Work on self-relationship and find support and company among your circle.
5. You're only thinking about the good parts
Trauma bonds are characterised by highs and lows. You might be focusing on the highs or positives and ignoring the unhealthy parts of this situation or relationship.
Recognise that a relationship needs to have repair and the dysfunctional aspect of it is not good for your well-being. Love yourself and act in your best interest.
6. Something you worry about losing
The relationship might have great physical chemistry, someone has money, is educated, has status and you're scared of losing your place in this situation.
Remember it takes more than just physical attributes to make a relationship work.
Heal the inner child and learn emotional intelligence.
7. This is the only person who has given you attention
Whether it's a first relationship or a first long relationship or someone you believed you vibe with, the relationship might feel like the only one where you got some attention.
This makes it difficult to let go.
Learn to make peace with the impermanence of things.
Let go of attachment to outcomes.
Know you can meet someone else.
8. You are struggling to meet other people
Perhaps it's taking long to meet the right person after your break up. You don't think you can find love with another person. You feel that you should go back to your ex.
Be patient and keep living life fully and be patient.
It's best to enjoy dating yourself and spending time with friends rather than going back to unhealthy relationships.
9. You do not know that you can get into healthy relationships due to early life modelling
Due to how your parents modelled relationships, you might believe unhealthy relationships are normal. You therefore stay in an unhealthy relationship or try to go back to an unhealthy relationship because it is normal to you.
Heal the inner child and learn about healthy relationships.
10. Cultural and societal pressure
Society can put pressure on you to be in relationships. Additionally, society might push you to stay in the relationship with your children. This then pushes you to desire a relationship even if unhealthy. Or to try to get your ex back.
It's good to be in a relationship, but a relationship needs to be healthy. Children thrive in a healthy home not just a 2 parent home.
Remember, if you're struggling to leave an unhealthy relationship, you need to do inner work to strengthen your self-connection. Initially, prepare to leave by starting a self-care habit, objective evaluation of triggers, learning to stay around people who are good for you and acting in your best interest..
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